Man, I am so into this birth of Christ thing

Christmas music on Pandora is the only thing keeping me sane at work right now. This means I am on my way to going INsane and I only have an hour of Pandora listening for the month left. Freak out.

Anyway, I am way in the holiday mood this year and love to share fun new sites. That being said, I present SketchySantas.com!  The tagline is simple, "Santas can be sketchy."  I know for certain Ryan and I have a picture that would definitely qualify for this site.  Imagine me, at age six, slouched on Santa's lap with a scowl on my face.  Then imagine that same scowling (yet, oh so adorable) six-year-old wearing purple sweatpants and a pink sweatshirt adorned with Tweety Bird and Sylvester graphics.  That's me.  Thanks to White Oaks Mall for the memories.

Picture is credited to SketchySantas.com.  Nothing is better for the children than a retro alci grandpa Santa.

More Christmas gift ideas

I am nearly finished with my Christmas shopping, thanks to my Amazon.com shopping spree yesterday.  Nothing is better than seeing a flat rate of $XXX on my bank statement!

If you're a slacker, I have some last minute options for you.  Thanks to AsOnTVInfomercials.com for inspiration and ideas.

1 - The Necky.  It's like a Dickie but outside your sweater!  Do you have a total moron in your family that has difficulty wearing a scarf?  (Quite possibility, the same relative living on government assistance?)  We have a match.  Plus, the Necky is available in three colors: navy blue, charcoal gray, and designer leopard.  Please somebody tell me when designer leopard became a "color."



2 - The Chia Obama for the Dem in the family.  Let's be honest, everyone knows about this (but I loved it anyway) so I only have three words.  Yes, we can.

3 - The Bedazzler.  Timeless but now culturally relevant thanks to MTV's newest disaster of humanity, "Jersey Shore."  Consumer spending is down for Holiday 2009 and many of us do not have the time or resources to walk into an Ed Hardy store and drop 200 bucks on a blinged out hoodie.  (Or we don't want to because we're not an asshole.)  If your family member or friend's biggest wish this winter is to look like a total guido/guidette/jerkface then get creative and bedazzle a black button up or sports bra for them!  They will love you.  Then they will drink too much, vomit on themselves and attempt to fight someone on the sidewalk at 2:45 a.m.

"Easy, fun & fabulous!  Snap, push & pop!"

If you have a Macy's in close proximity please...

It is very rare that I use this blog as a call to action. That's really not the reason I write. Today is a little different. I am urging you, if you have a Macy's in close proximity, to visit sometime during the Christmas season. Remember writing letters to Santa as a young tot and addressing them to the North Pole? Go relive your past!

Today my roommate and I stopped by to send Santa mail (asking for a clear career path and a nice boy, respectively). This campaign, Believe, is inspired by little Virginia's now famous "Is there a Santa Claus?" letter. With each letter written and submitted in the bright red letter box, Macy's grants $1 in support of the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

The Make-A-Wish Foundation "grants the wishes of children with life-threatening medical conditions to enrich the human experience with hope, strength and joy." I began my relationship with M-A-W as an two semester intern in college and continue to support the Illinois chapter as a wish granter. I cannot describe, in words, how the wide smile of 4-year-old can brighten your life. This one little boy in particular will visit Walt Disney World in the summer of 2010, after completing treatment for leukemia. Every dollar truly makes a difference as wish costs typically fall in the $4,000-$5,000 range. Sixty percent of children visit Walt Disney World and many stay at Give Kids the World, some of the most magical places in the world (in my opinion). Others have big parties, receive room makeovers, or whatever a child can dream. One little boy asked for a basketball.

So I encourage you to make a difference, one letter a time.

"Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy."

My Previous Governor is a Loser

Blagogate 2009 continues!  This tweet just appeared on my feed from State Journal Register (Springfield, Ill.) breaking news.

Police look into break-in at Blagojevich lawyers' office

This burglary happened last night in Chicago and computers, likely containing information for Blago's defense case, were stolen.  Oh man.  I will comment more on this later.

My [ex] governor is worse than your [ex] governor.  If you are from Illinois, disregard.  We all lose. If Grandma could read this blog I would want her to know that I don't care if he's Crotian "just like my parents." Stop associating with that!

Totally Unnecessary and a Little Newsworthy

I largely support the medical community.  Whether it's cancer research or putting mascara on little bunnies (joke!) I take great interest in the daily leaps and successes of continued medical advancement.

Today my insightful and amazing friend Jen sent me a blog article about vodka in pill form.  This article is from the original source, The Times of India.  Whoa, what?  As the blog author put it, "...a powdered form of alcohol that will soon make the consumption of vodka more convenient."  Oh good, dropping 1.5 ounces down my throat then slamming the shot glass on the bar was way too intrusive.

 “Dry” vodka can be wrapped in paper and carried around in a pocket or a bag. Vodka in form of a pill would come handy at parties when “consumers” would be able to calculate their exact required dosage." - Times of India

Leave it to Russian scientists, facing the disbandment of their Soviet labs, to create a catalyst that can only fuel Russia's drankin' problem.  For the rest of us, we must rejoice.  Now we can sneak vodka pills (which I imagine in packaging similar to that of Mentos) to dive bars, company picnics and family reunions.

I can only think of Mean Girls at a time like this.  Specifically the scene where Tim Meadows' character, high school principal Mr. Duvall, questions Ms. Norbury's class about false drug accusations.  If you haven't seen it, shame on you.  The exquisite Tina Fey plays Ms. Norbury after all.  (Girl crush alert!) 

Mr. Duvall: Has your teacher ever tried to sell you marijuana tablets?
Token brown kid, Kevin G: What are marijuana tablets?

Come all, let us rave.

What I'm Thankful For

Back to the grind!  I hate that term.  Only 3.2 weeks of work until Christmas break.

For realsies though, it's almost December and this morning I accepted the fact that a cold Chicago winter is inevitable.  As if there is any other kind.  In reflection of the holiday, here is a list of things I am thankful for in somewhat of an order.  Family first, then everything else!

• Being my Dad's sidekick when I am home.  Sporting events, Wal-Mart three times in one day, Cracker Barrel?  Works for me and padre.
• My brother and the next Peter Gammons, Ryan!  (Please see resemblance below.)  I imagine Ryan will age better than Peter but that's neither here nor there.  Catch his front page story, here SIU Daily Egyptian 

•  That after viewing the effects of my mom taking vitamins I decided they all negate each other and, in conclusion, cause unnecessary napping.
• Casey, the boyfriend.  I forgot him in the first publish of this post.  We spend a solid amount of our time making fun of strangers...and each other.  When he buys me flowers for the second time (ever) I might buy him a helicopter.
  
• Returning to Chicago after a long train ride and riding in the cab home.  Seeing the lights of the city and personally being part of the skyline is an outstanding experience.
• On the Chicago note, not being a Bears fan.  For real, they are awful.
• To piggyback off THAT, not being a Cubs fan.  Go Cardinals! Less than 100 days until pitchers and catchers report.  My winters are so lonely.
  

• Lady Gaga.  "If I'm a guy and I think Lady Gaga is incredibly talented, am I gay?" The answer is no.
• Kitten Mittens
• Glee and 30 Rock.  I, like, really enjoy those shows.
  
• Being incredibly better looking than the mutants that shop in Southern Illinois at 5 a.m. on Black Friday.  Straight from Dante's seventh ring of HELL, they resembled Sloth from the Goonies.  I will not stand in line with these freaks for a $79 Blu-Ray player.
  

The end.

Happy November 25th.

I'm writing this post for my own amusement, one of those things where I can look back later and think "what was I doing?" The truth is, I'm not doing much of anything. As a relatively new but necessary employee in my position (see: lacking worth) I am at work the day before Thanksgiving break starts. Ten percent of our work force is here, including the annoying girl in the cube next door. Her presence limits my ability to spin in circles in my desk chair. In an ideal world I would spin for minutes at a time, only competing with myself.

Instead I'm sitting [calmly] at my desk, responding to whatever e-mails I can and receiving endless amounts of "out of office" replies. All while listening to "Jai Ho" by the Pussycat Dolls.  Only an hour and 47 minutes until I bounce out of here.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I Will NOT Cover Sarah Palin's Newsweek Cover in this Post

I am continuously disappointed by the lack of journalistic integrity and morals in the entertainment industry. This magazine cover for Atlanta Magazine is a solid example.

"Couture, Catfights, and Collagen - Welcome to the Jungle!" Awful.



I work with a small number of magazines that make me cringe. I still admire the hard working reps and respect the partnership between my team and the books. I cannot stand behind the endless covers of Jon + Kate and KStew and RPatz (did I really just type that?). After years of divorce I find it hard to understand why Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston still appear on covers.

The readers of these magazines probably log onto Perez every day too.

Cringe. Cringe. Cringe.

Okay, rant over.

For some brilliant, groundbreaking and beautiful covers (see: art) please view ASME's Top 40 Magazine Covers of the Last 40 Years. This list, released in 2005, features outstanding work that puts shame to magazines now sitting in my recycling bin.

Does your cat make TOO much NOI-se?!

Only a week until Thanksgiving. Naturally, that means the Christmas season started over two weeks ago. Next week I am going to my parents' for the turkey day holidays. My agenda generally consists of being a glutton and sitting on the couch all day abusing their DV-R. Twice a day I will likely walk my seven-year-old pup, Cher (we adopted her from a shelter and unfortunately her name stuck). Occasionally, I will shuffle off the couch solely to chase down Gary the cat. Gary, named after Spongebob's snail, is a glorious 14 pound snow shoe Siamese with a bit of an eating problem. Although he is my cat, he is proof that a guy should never buy a girl an animal unless he plans to raise the animal in question. For this reason he was adopted by Grandma. However, because he is my cat I have no problem chasing, squeezing and hugging him until he squeals for mercy.

I love my animals so much that I have already started their Christmas shopping. I will let you be the judge of how serious I am about these.

For Cher, the pup, I present you the dog snuggie. Snuggie, you've gone way too far. Particularly on the snuggie for dogs web site where you will notice the dogs are playing BACKGAMMON.


One of my favorite shows. Charlie presents kitten mittens!

Just another D-Bag

My brother sent me the article this morning from the Fairfield University newspaper, He Said: The walk of shame by the now infamous Chris Surette. I am not endorsing that you actually read his work. I don't endorse anything with references to "raw dogging." If you're unaware of this term as well, look it up on urbandctionary.com. I will not elaborate. Chris' article (loosely used term, once again) is a "guy's guide" to the walk of shame.

One look at Mr. Surette and I find it impossible to believe that this is written from his own experiences. More than likely he listened to other taller, leaner and more attractive douche bags explain their conquests over Sunday morning cafeteria brunch. I can imagine Chris eavesdropping over a buttered short stack and crying into his orange juice over over how he can never be like "them." I mean, LOOK at that mug shot!

Oh Christopher, your [likely] obese ginger mother should be ashamed. She is, in fact, the only woman with whom you have ever had a close relationship. As well as female genitalia. (Ya, I said it.) We readers know you're full of shit when you reference "pounding." The only pounding you do concerns baking, fatty.

My favorite quote in the article is, "Now if you follow these tips, the next time you do work, you’ll have a tale to tell your buds for years." If in fact you have ever touched a girl during a consensual moment then you're really talking about if for YEARS? Please. Somebody isn't getting laid.

Chris, you are disgusting. So is your grammar. For example,

I would rather enjoy my college years drinking my face off and having to clean my own vomit, than cleaning the vomit of 16 month infant

Congratulations Chris on vomiting alone in your twin size bed. I would never want to clean up the vomit of a 16 month infant. I imagine it is similar to a 16-month-old infant but, because you fail at editing, you missed that too.

I am not here to whine about Chris' free speech and the pending harassment charges, leave that to others. I am simply here to bash Chris Surette, you worthless piece of life.

Thanks to deadspin.com for pointing out the fact that he is also a Red Sox fan.

Assignment Detroit: A Special Time Inc. Project

Urban decay is present around the country, whether people want to discover it or care to is another story. For four years, I lived in the Midtown area of St. Louis, the 48th largest city in the U.S. In 1890, it was the fourth largest. Each morning I woke up to the Arch shining through my freshmen dorm window. Only miles to the north of SLU's beautiful oasis are the projects. When I volunteered there senior year small, black children gawked at us through the cracked open doorways of their homes. They stared for two main reasons: we were white and we weren't cops. White people don't typically come into those areas for good reasons. Below is an example of a once beautiful mansion in the same area. Now it's mostly recycled for scraps.



Because of my time in St. Louis, I took particular interest in Time Inc.'s newest project, "Assignment Detroit." The editors of Time magazine recently purchased a home in Detroit for a year long evaluation of city and its past and future role in American society. Journalists, photographers and bloggers will spend a year living in this home and emerging themselves in Detroit's history. They are hosting BBQs and inviting neighbors over for lawn parties. It's not just reporting, it's immersion. The introduction of why time is in Detroit is here and an amazing article.

People [lots of Chicagoans] that say "Detroit sucks!" are ignorant. Detroit's story is the most important milestone in America economic history's since the Industrial Revolution. (If this is already too far over your head then stop reading.)

Detroit is still the world's automotive center. Detroit as a whole cannot fail. Detroit is at the forefront of health care and poverty issues, to name a few facing national policy. For all of these reasons, I will follow this story as it unfolds and look into all the possiblities presented to me. And whoever else wants to discover the story.

"While we do not intend to be cheerleaders or apologists, we do have a point of view: we want Detroit to recover and find its way into the future."

United Arts Theater Built in 1928, vacant since the 1970s)

"MOM, are you SERIOUS?"

Although she will never read this because of her lack of interwebs skills, props to my mother [woman in the Snuggie or "Marsha" for short] for attempting to scare the living shit out of me today.

Let's start. Beginning Monday, my health took a turn for the decline.

• Monday, approximately 12 p.m.: "Why does my throat hurt? I feel tired."
• Monday, approximately 9 p.m., Job #2: "I can't talk to my tables anymore. I hope they don't need anything because I'm losing my voice. No, I will not go through my complimentary samples of wine spiel."

• Tuesday, 4 a.m.: "Oh god, I'm dead. I'm dying. Sleeping vertical. Keep coughing. Ah. Sentences with no nouns."
• Tuesday, 4 a.m. t 7:30 a.m.: I wake up every 10 minutes dreaming of detrimental illness.
• Tuesday, appx. 11 a.m.: Convo with the Marsha.
Me: "Ya, my throat is really killing me. It burns my throat to talk so I'm staying home."
Mom: "Ok, well call me if you get bored and just want to talk."
Me: "..."
• Tuesday, normal work hours: Consisted of me sleeping 14 hours and sitting on the couch. Life is boring at home. Except...

Positive: CSI, Law & Order, and other various crime shows are on all day.
Negative: I now fear I will fall victim to a serial killer walking home from job #2. Unfortunately, my demise will end with some sort of assault and a Jane Doe case only to be solved in 2019. Because of the endless commercials I've seen for the movie '2012' my case will never be solved. Awesome!

Now my Wednesday consists of coming to work two hours late, catching up on e-mails and wondering why the cell phone bill wasn't paid. Then I receive the call from Marsha.

If you know me, you know I love my mom but we are very...different. A different world would be fair, maybe one where she doesn't giggle so much and wear jeans every day. Today though, she called "just to see how you're doing!" The call ended with her practically in tears describing the effects of swine flu and early detection.

God bless the woman, but she's a nurse of over 25 years. Every time my brother or I falls ill she acts like we're victims of the bubonic plague.

Mom: "I [sob] just want you to be careful!"
Me: "Mom, do you talk to your patients like this?"
Mom: "Can you [sob] avoid public transportation?"
Me: "What? Mom, are you serious? No."

At this point, I do not have the swine. If I do, I will keep you updated. Maybe Marsha will make me a caringbridge.com blog.

More making fun of people

To piggy back off my "Mommy, Play with Meeeee" post I need to include the below facebook status. I like to call it the "Go Kill Yourself Facebook Status of the Day"

deep cleaning my entire house! I love being productive! I love my husband even more for taking care of my farm because I'm too busy :)

1 - She's soooo busy cleaning the house. If I ever describe myself as tooooo busy cleaning the house it implies that I am unemployed.

2 - This girl is not a farmer, nor is she the wife of a farmer. I'm fairly certain she is also not the child of farmers

      2a - Her farm is the facebook application Farmville. Currently her "farm" is full of ghost chilis and aloe that need to be harvested in six hours. SIX. This is not something that requires attention ASAP. Think of it as an intense laundry session

God, I need to delete my facebook account

Best Onion Article (Ever).

I would like to thank Mr. Lynn, my high school English teacher, for supporting my love of satirical writing. When done correctly, it's terrific and (for me at least) is my favorite form of creativity. On the flip side, poorly executed satire is about as much fun as crossing Michigan Ave. In front of a speeding cab.

I am a huge fan of the Onion. Although I consider myself a nice person I do enjoy making fun of ignorance, current events and the general population on a daily basis. So the article Nation's Morons March on Washington State definitely made my day.

The fact there is someone that probably can't locate D.C. on a map saddens me. You know those people. They are the same ones that call the Spanish language "Mexican" and can't tell you why a Muslim is different than a Saudi Arabian. They wear fanny packs and high socks and go to Six Flags on vacation. Sometimes they even go on anniversary dates and propose in chain restaurants, like Chili's. If they feel particularly worldly then they visit Olive Garden for Italy's finest cuisine. (For anyone that hasn't been to Italy, Olive Garden sucks.)

These people are represented by Miss F-ing Teen USA from South Carolina. God bless the "U.S. Americans."

It's not that all of these people are completely stupid, even Jerry Falwell started a university and that guy is a nutter. One of my facebook friends, since deleted from my mini feed, posted a largely political post that ended with "I would like to buy an island and start our country over again. Who's with me??!?" All I could do was sigh.

I hope he marches to Washington state soon.

Ode to the NBA Season Kick Off!

NBA season starts today with Cavaliers vs. Celtics. Nevermind that I haven't been a huge NBA fan since the '91 to '98 Bulls dynasty (despite MJ's stupid I-want-to-try-baseball! move). In celebration I give you one of my favorite youtube videos with the line, "Our economy's based on Lebron James!"

My Dearest Falcon - Letter Two

Falcon Heene
The Box in the Attic
Colorado

Falcon,

You are a horrible liar and you threw up on television. I hope the producers of Wife Swap find you a nice foster family. Probably some hippie family that grows organic food or maybe a nice fascist family living in the Appalachians. Good luck because I will completely forget you by 2010.

All my love,
Theresa

"Mommy get off facebook and play with meeee!"

When I entered the realm of facebook, about five years ago, life was simple. Essentially I wrote on my friend's walls, creeped on the guy I met at last Saturday's frat party (hot sophomore!) and maybe my profile picture was me dominating a beer bong. Okay, guilty on the last one.

Facebook has imploded. There are apps and photo albums and Bejeweled and something called Mafia Wars and people throwing sheep. Some of the most pathetic sentences of my life have been uttered in the last few months concerning that stupid Farmville application.

Exhibit A: Ryan's birthday weekend. Ryan: "Theresa, we've gotta go." Me: "Hold on, one more level and I can grow aloe vera." Ryan: "That's the worst thing I've ever heard."

Exhibit B: "Casey, hold on. I have to harvest my duck!"

But why am I ridiculing myself? I have others to roast.

Facebook moms. Not the moms and dads that influenced myparentsjoinedfacebook.com. This is an amazing blog that chronicles the fails of parents and I, humbly, linked it to my submission on that site.

I'm talking about recent moms. Moms my age, my high school classmates. When did having a kid make you such a boring sociopath? Nobody is denying these kids are capital A-dorable but you are blowing up my mini feed with statues like: "Ok I thought baby brain was supposed to stop after you have the baby. Obviously its still with me...When will I get my old brain back?!?!"

I don't even know what that means but it sounds weird. I read one the other day about possible postpartum depression and scoffed. Said mommy was sad and "I've cried six times before noon!!!!"; the comments following are other young moms telling her that it's perfectly okay! The status about where to send your kid to high school...he can't even freaking TALK YET. Is this the person you become as a 24-year-old mother? If so, plan my pregnancy for the next social media craze.

I am all for social networking and even seeking advice through the internet. However, your facebook status should not be used as a self help message board. Sharing photos of your first born is great but I'm still wary. Especially if the kid's head is lopsided. I, personally, feel awkward seeing the progressive aging of a former co-worker's child when I haven't seen the mother in years.

So do me a favor - keep your lamaze/creepy hospital delivery/up all night because of crying stories out of the public eye. Some day your child will be happy that 481 of mommy's friends did not watch him grow up on the Internet.

An Open Letter to Falcon Heene

Falcon Heene
The Box in the Attic
Colorado

Dearest Falcon,

It seemed only yesterday [it was] that I used my lunch break to run some errands. When I came back to my desk, hardly an hour later, I received frantic gchat messages. "DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BALLOON KID?!?!!? HE FLEW AWAY IN A BALLOON IN HIS PARENT'S YARD!!!" I was confused to why any family, besides one in the circus, would have a multi-colored balloon with a wicker basket in their front yard. Yes, this is what I envisioned.

I am so sorry Falcon. I mistook your family for some circus freaks when, in fact, they are extra terrestrial/science loving/Wife Swap freaks. I will never make that mistake again. If I was the child of your parents I would also run away and can only blame you for not running far enough. A box in the attic? What were you going to do when you were hungry? Did you at least bring some Crustable sandwiches? Stupid move, Falcon.

I did enjoy watching you throw up on the Today Show this morning. If you missed it, please relive it using this link. You're an Internet celebrity you know. Your brother looking grossed out is at 5:15. You tossing your cookies is about the six minute mark. BLEEECCCCCH!!!!!

You made my rainy October Thursday afternoon and Friday morning a little bitter brighter. I hope you accomplish great things in your life. Whether you build a super sonic jet for passenger use or develop a cure for a rare genetic disease just know that it doesn't matter. You are the balloon kid who never rode in a balloon. You hid in a box. We salute you.


Sincerely,
Theresa


Below is the best facebook status thread...ever. Balloon Boy Gets the Fresh Price Treatment, original link is here.

Body Image

Another case of tarnished self image in the media. Another girl has been objectified and terminated from her contract for being unable "to meet the obligations under her contract with us"/too fat. Filippa Hamilton, who is my age, has been modeling with Ralph Lauren since she was fifteen. Take a step back - what were YOU doing at 15? I was hardly finished picking food from my braces and buying horrendous jeans from Aeropostale. Neither here nor there.

Filippa is a total babe. She will be hired elsewhere by an agency who truly appreciates her for her talent and basic hotness.

Her situation is not alone. I see it Monday through Friday.


I work in print advertising. I have about 137 magazines on my desk RIGHT now and twelve unopened manila envelopes. Underneath my phone, Milla Jovovich is downright staring at me while tugging her shirt off. (I needed to pull info for a Maxim July 2009 invoice.) Truthfully, I rarely read these. The word "regurgitate" is fair to use when describing the content of mostly any publication. Our society is obsessed with self help, celebrity smut, and a quick influx of information.


Why not, let's discover what you can learn from my desk...

● The 50 hottest men/mas guapos
● What is going on between R. Patz and Kirsten Stewart?
● Jon and Kate Gosselin need to be banished to an island in Asia (Jon would be happy)
● It is very unlikely that you will fail as a parent - but you will fear it
● The best beauty buys for ANYTHING
● How to lose 10 pounds this week!
● Sex...anything. Just sex.
● Jacob Lautner is 17 years old. And super hot.
● Why you will never look as good as anyone in a magazine whether it's hair, clothes, make anything. However, you will spend your paycheck attempting to and that's exactly what they want

So go ahead, keep on picking up those publications at the grocery store check out line. It will be like the first time you ever read the article - even though you did four months ago!

Pee Your Pants website of the Day!

Sometimes we stumble across websites that make us laugh so hard our face hurts. By the magic of little to no productivity in the office on a Friday afternoon, I bring you manbabies.com. This website causes me sadness that I did not take a photo shop class. Also, great joy as my face hurts so bad from laughing. Enjoy!

Shameless Plug & opinions about options.

Here I am, promoting one of my favorite sports writers. Also, defending.
Ryan Voyles, my youngest brother.

Ryan is the sports editor for Southern Illinoi University's Daily Egyptian newspaper covering football, basketball and softball. He also writes a blurb, entitled Voyles' Visions whenever the mood strikes him. Recently he wrote an article entitled Ode to WNBA. I will not summarize it because I expect you to click that link. Within days, he received a 791 word response to his 590 word article. This frantic, middle-aged, feminist (and self-proclaimed journalist) proceeded to bash him not only as a writer, but personally as well. Furthermore, she failed to comprehend Ryan's comparisons of women's sports at the collegiate level. Basically, she called him ignorant.

Well that's respectable.

Unfortunately, sometimes, the age of internet allows anyone with an opinion to share it. Bashing in forums and nasty comments are abundant. Even my dad had to report someone on a sports blog because he wrote a reply comment asking my dad where our home is located.
Nice, sir.

Opinions obviously keep nearly all conversations flowing, personally or over the internet. The difficulty with the internet is that anyone can hide behind a screen, rant and claim a level of professionalism that may or may not be accurate. In a personal conversation, no one expresses his opinion by rambling for 791 words. Nobody has time for that.

So Ryan, kudos to you for expressing your beliefs through a respected medium in what will be a rewarding career for you. And fodder for free lance (see: unemployed) writers everywhere.

baby on board.

Out of control. Lock her up. Throw away the key. STOP BREEDING. I'm talking about that other TLC family.

Numerous reports, this one a personal favorite from the Huffington Post, reveal the Duggars are expecting their 20th child. It's like a puppy mill with...ya know, people.

After a hilarious discussion with my friend Sydney about our "open letter to Jim Bob" concerning the [ahem] 'deflowering' of his sons we turned to the girls. Specifically the 'Free Jinger Duggar' facebook group. Jinger (hm, wonder why I keep typing Ginger?) is by far the coolest Duggar if such a thing exists. By cool I mean Jinger (dammit with the G again!) will rebel from her family, wear pants and cut her hair therefore laying a personal smackdown to Jim Bob, as well as Jesus. One can only hope this happens sooner than later. Keep rolling your eyes Jinger (got it!) as we are all cheering you on to college.

And another addition while I was researching for this post. In case you missed it, the oldest Duggar and his freak wife Anna recently married and are expecting their first child. Here is their wedding registry from Wal-Mart. I already called dibs on the Gatorade so find your own crap to buy, I'm sure they didn't receive everything!

20 Brands & Products that Died in 2009

This is a photo I took at Circuit City before the store closed its doors. Note, the store was selling shopping carts just to make a quick buck.

The Loss of American Brands

We are only 58% of our way through 2009 and already we have seen many American companies ventures topple off the Capitalism pedestal. I was intrigued by the quality of this list of major American corporations, brand extensions and family-owned business that plummeted into bankruptcy. I was clueless Hard Rock even managed an amusement park - the company has a difficult time producing a decent menu. With the loss of brands can come a loss of identity. Pontiac, the invention of the American muscle, will cease to exist. The same with Hummer; the vehicles that at one time brooded American self-indulgence and excess is now being gobbled up by an Asian company just to say afloat. Eventually these symbols of American innovation will rust and be forgotten, just like its predecessors.

Definitely an article worth reading and reflecting.

another site to share

Sexy People - The Blog. The sweet, sweet irony. Picture is fabulous example of the most beautiful.


Sexy People Blog, share the amazement!

Selling homes in Suburbia

While playing around with twitter I saw a post from my SLU alumni group: A house is following us here in Twitterland. This is strange. http://twitter.com/124Roxbury


Also intrigued, and a little bored, I followed the link. The twitter is actually run by a real estate group looking to sell the $165k 2BR/2.5 BA in suburban St. Louis. The four-year-old home recently dipped in price (thanks market!) and the twitter updates those interested on open houses, new offers and contact information. 124 Roxbury even has its own blogspot


I found this concept captivating as a move from traditional real estate marketing. Passive buyers are not actively seeking company websites or driving through neighborhoods looking for homes. So far there are over 1,700 followers so I look forward to seeing how this new marketing tools helps...if it helps.


My favorite tweet from today: Q:"How'd you hear about your house?" A:"a little birdy told me" Wouldn't that be a great story? Come and see the house... make an offer.

BIRTHDAY OF DEATH

First of all, I had a fantastic birthday. The big 2-3. Woop!

I do have to say, one of the oddest [see:kind of funny] parts of my birthday was everyone telling me how my birthday was possibly the worst day in the history of the world with the death of the great MJ and everything.

Sorry everyone, next year I will try to avoid the big 2-4 for the sake of Britney. Ooooh too soon?

Slacking! More baseball.

Oh no, slacking! I went to Florida April 4th - 12th with Casey and the family and have been really busy ever since trying to get my life back in order. PLUS, one of my best friends since childhood got married this past weekend so life has been fun. I'll post some pics up here I'm sure. Mostly I just wanted to share this link that Casey sent me today and is even now appearing in my friend Steph's "Between the Lines" baseball blog. Check out her blog here! She updates it almost daily and gives a very journalistic, fresh and unbiased account of baseball for what it really is. Refreshing! So you know, check it out.

This story goes along the one I wrote last month about my Cardinals and the Cubbies rivalry. I love it, it makes me smile and gives me goosebumps. Unfortunately I had to work last week for Thursday and Friday's games (make up those vacation days!) and then the game Sunday was rained out :( But fortunately, rescheduled for a day/night double header on July 12th which is the day before the All-Star break. AMAZING!

Read this article, do it now!

Here is an excerpt from the introduction. "Take the Chicago Cubs and St. Louis Cardinals. All that stands between these two adversaries -- who will renew their rivalry April 24 at Busch Stadium -- is a mere 297 miles of rich, Midwestern soil. With each team intent on owning that land, this rivalry is really a turf war."

Driving directions, according to Google maps, are actually 302 miles from stadium to stadium. 1020 W. Addison Chicago, IL 63102 & 700 Clark St. St. Louis, MO 63102.
Yes Cubs fans - we too have a Clark street.

For fun I am breaking this down. My childhood home is 203 miles, 3 hours and 28 minutes, south on Interstate 55 from Wrigley Field. Exit 100, fyi. From there, continue one hour, 45 minutes and 103 miles farther South to Memorial Drive. in St. Louis. From there...

Welcome home, Cardinals fans!

Just call me by my pseudonym, Ryan Voyles

I would just like to share my little scrap of brilliance found in last Monday's edition of the Daily Egyptian. Although my dear younger brother is full of wit and sass, his big sissy outdid him for one day only. I'll let him take the credit...this time.

Original brilliance: AQUI!

Snippet:
Banter: Schilling blogged his retirement, but how could it have been better?

Theresa "Ryan Voyles" voyles:

After some careful DNA extraction, I would breed thousands of career pigeons believed extinct since 1914. With only orange party hats on their heads and GPS devices on their wings, they would deliver the news of my retirement to the locations I saw most relevant. This is the only logical way to announce a retirement.

Cards and Cubs, the I-55 Series

"The Red Sox and Yankees is a tabloid-filled soap opera about money and ego and sound bites. But the Cubs and Cardinals are about... geography and territorial rights." - Buzz Bissinger, Three Nights in August

To start, I am from Springfield, Illinois and extremely proud of it. Land of Lincoln. The kick off point of Barack Obama's presidential campaign Booyah. I find it impossible to believe that anyone outside of this area can appreciate this post for all its worth. This is about the I-55 series or, if you're still reveling in the pre-Eisenhower era, Route 66. However, keep reading because I do not have many followers.

Two words and two worlds: Cardinals, Cubs. Central Illinois is the Berlin Wall of baseball rivalries. I chose West Germany.

Sure, Chicago will blabber on about Sox and Cubs, Southside Northside, whatever I get it and I don't really care. Your fate was primarily decided on your neighborhood, central Illinois isn't like that. We are conservative and liberal, Christian and Lutheran, right-brain and left-brain. Gray area. Boggles your mind. Above all - there is a choice and it is guaranteed you will choose against someone you love very dearly.

Beginning at childhood your world is turned upside down and the manipulation begins by adults pursuing you to sway towards the bright light.

Concerned adult: "Who do you like better, the Cardinals or the Cubs?"
Ignorant child: "I like both?"
Now exasperated adult: "YOU CAN'T LIKE BOTH."

I chose Cardinals. Well Dad chose Cardinals and what four-year-old chooses against Dad? Especially when this Dad had a mustache. I absolutely watched the Cubs' afternoon games with my Grandma and swayed to Harry Caray's drunken rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame." Some of the best memories of my life. For me though, trips to St. Louis took a day and we frequented the Arch City often. Score one for the Cards. The tradition of losing by an unsaid team probably helped solidify this lasting allegiance. Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa in '96. Enough said.

This excerpt is from George Will at a commencement address at Washington University in St. Louis - down the street from my own alma mater at SLU. If you don't know who George Will is, and I will carefully let it slide if you don't, he is a Pulitzer prize winning journalist with a history at both the Washington Post and Newsweek. He was also referenced in "The Jimmy" episode of Seinfeld but that's either here, nor there.

"I grew up in Champaign, Illinois, midway between Chicago and St. Louis. At an age too tender for life-shaping decisions, I made one. While all my friends were becoming Cardinals fans, I became a Cub fan. My friends, happily rooting for Stan Musial, Red Schoendienst, and other great Redbirds, grew up cheerfully convinced that the world is a benign place, so of course, they became liberals. Rooting for the Cubs in the late 1940s and early 1950s, I became gloomy, pessimistic, morose, dyspeptic and conservative. It helped out of course that the Cubs last won the World Series in 1908, which is two years before Mark Twain and Tolstoy died. But that means, class of 1998, that the Cubs are in the 89th year of their rebuilding effort, and remember, any team can have a bad moment."

Amen sir.

Epic fail!

Liz sent me this new blog and I would like to share it with everyone that does not read this blog! Thanks followers! Cake Wrecks - the most hilarious site I've seen about baked goods in...ever. Here are just a couple examples of bizarre world of caking making. Granted, some are adorable but that's not what I'm still laughing about. I can't even put up the pregnancy cake, pregnancy is gross enough without putting up a stupid yellow cake stomach covered in sugar frosting. Bleh!

Here is definitely one of the weirdest.

Happy Birthday to a Dear Friend!

I would like to take the opportunity to write a post about one of my old best friends.

Barbie. Barbara Millicent Roberts to be exact. I just learned that today.

Barbie taught us we could do anything - be a doctor, a teacher AND grow up with perky boobs. Even when economic times were down she made working at McDonald's, with a talking drive-thru, glamorous. With her career choices she undoubtedly, from my assumptions, held 40 master's degrees and 17 doctorates. SHE COMES FROM ABOUT 150 ETHNIC BACKGROUNDS! wtf!. Still, she was a confident older sister, while we questioned her own parents' involvement in Kelly's upbringing. She owned a jeep AND a convertible. Then of course there was her most prized accessory in private-lacking, plastic-molded-underwear-wearing Ken Carson. In a solitary day I could turn Barbie into a cape-wielding heroine or a victim being held captive by my brother's Beetlejuice doll. She wasn't a doll I could fall asleep with (seriously pointy hands) but I sure loved her when I woke up.

Like any woman she has her own inner turmoils. In 2004, Barbie dumped Ken after 43 years of courtship. The official Mattel press release turned AP story can be seen here. A guy that can't commit? She had a hole in her hand JUST for a ring. Supposedly she is with an Australian now. TOTALLY HOT!

I'm rambling really but what is wrong with reminiscing? After all, Barbie is only one year younger than my mom and you can guess who looks better at her age.

To conclude, here is a commercial from the Sweet Dreams Barbie I owned. Ignore the spanish speaking, I could not find the English version. Disclaimer: I owned this Barbie Doll. She had a "magic" washcloth that, when you rubbed over her eyes, made them close so she appeared to sleep. Cold water, not the wash cloth, actually changed her eyes. As a confused seven-year-old I remember crying uncontrollably when my legally blind grandpa accidentally threw away her wash cloth. I feared Barbie would never sleep again and would certainly remain a wandering insomniac. Eventually the issue was resolved and this doll holds a place in my heart. I love you Grandpa!

Google yourself.

Liz sent me this silly thing on facebook and here are the results. Since I'm not having an excellent day at work (but this provides background information I would rather not leave) I did this today.

Rules: Google the phrase. Post the results. Easy.

My comments are in italics because some of these were too much.


1: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search:
“Theresa needs to get used to the fact that she will remain the Ketchup Queen”

Wow, sorry just a lot to take in at once


2: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search:
“Theresa looks like a man in drag. Theresa looks like A Skank from the trailer park. Aw this is sad lol”
Harsh. Plus Skank capitalized? Owch.


3: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search:
“Theresa hates Christmases as well.”
Because Theresa in drag hates Christmas.


4: Type in "[your name] goes" or "..has gone" in Google:
Two videos, I could not pick one.
A youtube video of “Theresa goes potty” and “Theresa goes to hell” (from a Passions tv episode).


5: Type in "[your name] loves" in Google search:
“Theresa Loves Me! Kids Sweatshirts”
Hahaha. Auntie Theresa.
Dorky shirts about me


6: Type in "[your name] eats" in Google search:
“I hope that Theresa eats a pile of shit…”


7: Type in "[your name] has" in Google search:
“Theresa has class”
This was not submitted by the person that wanted me to eat shit


8: Type in "[your name] works" in Google search:
Theresa works those lower abs!

9. Type in "[your name] lives" in Google search:
THERESA LIVES THERESA LIVES THERESA LIVES THERESA LIVES THERESA LIVES THERESA LIVES THERESA LIVES THERESA LIVES THERESA LIVES THERESA LIVES THERESA LIVES ...

I have no idea what this means.

10: Type in "[your name] died" in Google search:
Then [Maria] Theresa died, and came the revolution

11: Type in "[your name] will" in Google:
Theresa will soon be investigated for a bad real estate deal in Arkansas

I am also proud to announce that theresawill.com is a website!

Most men would trade to be that pumpkin

'Veggie Love': PETA's Banned Super Bowl Ad



Even as a beginner in advertising I can almost guarantee PETA had no actual intention of appearing during the Super Bowl with a $3 million price tag. This ad is viral and created more for the internet than anything. Nothing creates buzz like asparagus being rubbed on a girl's...gross. I love people complaining that NBC will air beer commercials but not PETA's produced ad. People drink beer, lots of it, on Super Bowl Sunday. Less probable - a well put together veggie tray.

Keep your slutty broccoli to yourself, this is just a cheap marketing ploy.

Sometimes I wonder why.

Happy January 26th. Today's temperature in Chicago, Ill. is 15 degrees fahrenheit, but oh! Feels like eight. So far in 2009, I experienced two (TWO!) days where the temperature reached above freezing. Next Saturday a high of 33 teases us with promise. Expect me in Chicago for awhile but eventually I'm headin' down South or packing for the west coast. Dressing like this here is not only necessary but absolutely ridiculous.

Obviously, I am bad at this.

Obviously, I am not good at blog postings. However, today I would like to share another "blog" of "unnecessary" quotes.


http://quotation-marks.blogspot.com/

I would also like to add that whoever said, "money is the root of all evil," was never a recent college grad browsing career opps and paying inflated rent.

Upon researching on wikipedia, I have found the answer. Thanks Wiki.

"Money is the root of all evil."

* In context: "For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows." (1 Timothy 6:10) KJV (The King James Bible)
* Many translations render what the KJV renders as "the root" (originally ῥίζα) as "a root" or "at the root" and "all evil" (πᾶς κακός) as "all sorts of evil" or "all kinds of evil". (See also translations in New International Version, New American Standard Bible, New Living Translation.) All translations agree that it is the love of money, rather than money itself, that is associated with evil.