Finally, you have found something perfect

B: "Got any hot Valentine's Day plans?"
Me: "The ultimate single girl Valentine's Day: Yoga"


Upon arrival at studio, "I'm at yoga with all the other losers.  I'll talk to you later!"


First single February 14th in awhile and life is pretty satisfying.

"You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Kid!"

The casual traveler at the airport wears a camo  hat over his ratty pony tail and a "Property of the North Pole" t-shirt.  Yes it's here!  Happy holidays everyone.

This year I'm traveling at 600 mph somewhere over Kentucky using wifi on my phone type device.  Oh technology!

I am almost finished with holiday travel.  Suprisingly, the Atlanta airport went smoothly with only one mental outburst of "TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES.  HOLY SHIT, TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES.  DON'T ASK WHY!  WHO ASKS WHY?!" and so forth.  Hours of early arrival means I was willing to trek a mile to terminal B if only to use my Starbucks gift card, resulting in caffeine jitters and a heightened heart beat.

The holidays are a funny thing.  At no other point in the year are people willing to lug Uncle Joe's new espresso machine out the front door, through federally mandated security on a continental adventure.  We will get together as families to celebrate new engagements and baked goods, maybe even the birth of Jesus Christ.  If I'm lucky, after lunch I will crush my relatives in Catch Phrase and other word related type games.  (I think this will be another blog post as I'm feeling particularly assonine about it.)

Then there will be other holiday traditions I truly cherish.  Grandma's mumbling of "this could be my last Christmas" which, after 14 years, actually holds some merit this time around.  Christmas mass with whoever I can coax to join me.  And my mom's family's talks of get togethers and "this is so fun, we should do it more often."  This never, ever happens but it's a nice thought.  My girlfriends and I maintain a tradition of drinking in a parents' basement on Christmas night then following it up with "brunch" at Olive Garden in the following days.  We resonate class.

At some point Dad and I will reaccount the Christmas Eve, a few years ago, when we found God en route to Walgreens.  Do not doubt faith when, on the way to buy your mother a snuggie because she "really wants one!" that a gigantic Ford pickup will skid on ice at 40 mph and stop abrupdtly six inches away from the front left tail light of our stationery Altima.  Between sobbing, the "F word," and dry heaving I prayer.  We went to Christmas mass that year and Mom still got her Snuggie.

As the plane approaches its descent over central Illinois I am excited for what this year will bring.  For all those holiday traditions new and old, discovered and forgotten.  In the words of my brother, when I asked him what he wanted for Christmas, "I'm content."

Happy Holidays everyone!

:) :p :/ :*

A CNN article written by the authors behind Stuff Hipsters Hate can only promise good things.

I am guilty of throwing a :) into the mix once in awhile. Mostly over gchat when I'm lacking on time and the lack of desire to type "I'm exhilarated beyond my wildest dreams." Like when I write "LOL" outside of the sarcastic realm. So I'm taking the hipster haters' challenge and, for the rest of the month, deleting the smiley out of my text.

Okay one more because I LOVE this movie and it always makes me :) (Gross!) It's guaranteed that I will be playing this video, loudly, next Friday as it's my last day of work for 2010.

My 4th Grade Style Essay on Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!  Today is a day to share with loved ones, even if those loved ones are in manic depression because they just sat in a car together all day.

Thanksgiving is a day to eat turkey until it hurts and blame tryptophan on your inability to stay awake when talking to relatives about politics.

Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful for my family and, when the weekend is over, be fortunate that they live five hours away from me.

Thanksgiving is a day to wake up at 9 a.m., nevermind that you went to bed at 3 a.m., to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.  Then discover it was way more magical as child and, in atypical fashion, that Matt Lauer and Meredith Vieira are awkward.

Now it's time to clean the apartment because, as of twenty minutes ago, I decided to host my family.

Here's to a Thanksgiving day full of prayers.

Closet Nerd Alert

Today is Star Wars Day. So May the Fourth be with you.  GET IT?!  Also this is a legit holiday because Twitter trending topics and Wikipedia told me so.  Commence eye rolling now.

Things White Theresa Likes

Unfortunately for us all, Phil Punswhatthehellshisname (real name: Punxsutawney) the groundhog saw his shadow yesterday, signifying six more weeks of grueling winter. I was talking to a friend about it yesterday and made the observation that Groundhog Day is something "white people like."

To clarify, this theory was first brought to my attention by the discovery of stuffwhitepeoplelike.com.  It is decidely created around the middle class, happy-go-lucky Caucasian.  Hilarious and fulfilling, the page makes you [assuming you, reader, are white for simplification] think things like, "you're right, I do love wearing my North Face jacket while shopping at Whole Foods!"  If you, reader, are not white than please read and gain material to make fun of your stereotypical white friend.  I encourage it.  Still can't decide if this site spits truth?  Check out the full list of stuff and you'll figure it out.

As a white person of 24 nearly years, it is fair for me to make assumptions about my cracker brethren as well.  I live on the Near North side of Chicago surrounded by the masses.  The area is full of 20-somethings who occupy sports bars on weekends to cheer on their Big 10 Alma Mater in Division I athletics.  Later, they discover new cultures by eating at that ethnic restaurant "like totally recommended to me by a co-worker who loooooves Ethiopian food!  Or maybe it's Indian?"  Still others wear skinny jeans, bitch about conformist music invading Lolla, and bike to Wicker Park to check out a new hookah bar.

Truth be told, I don't find myself in any cookie cutter stereotype.  Oh sure, I'm a Midwest girl who loves burger specials and light beer (especially during baseball!) but I'm also passionate about finally filling my passport or buying a new pencil skirt to up my professional edge.

On second thought, I just confirmed a few things about me.  I happen to love the Onion (#109), my grey New Balance kicks (#96) and living by the water (#51).

I need a new defense.

Man, I am so into this birth of Christ thing

Christmas music on Pandora is the only thing keeping me sane at work right now. This means I am on my way to going INsane and I only have an hour of Pandora listening for the month left. Freak out.

Anyway, I am way in the holiday mood this year and love to share fun new sites. That being said, I present SketchySantas.com!  The tagline is simple, "Santas can be sketchy."  I know for certain Ryan and I have a picture that would definitely qualify for this site.  Imagine me, at age six, slouched on Santa's lap with a scowl on my face.  Then imagine that same scowling (yet, oh so adorable) six-year-old wearing purple sweatpants and a pink sweatshirt adorned with Tweety Bird and Sylvester graphics.  That's me.  Thanks to White Oaks Mall for the memories.

Picture is credited to SketchySantas.com.  Nothing is better for the children than a retro alci grandpa Santa.

More Christmas gift ideas

I am nearly finished with my Christmas shopping, thanks to my Amazon.com shopping spree yesterday.  Nothing is better than seeing a flat rate of $XXX on my bank statement!

If you're a slacker, I have some last minute options for you.  Thanks to AsOnTVInfomercials.com for inspiration and ideas.

1 - The Necky.  It's like a Dickie but outside your sweater!  Do you have a total moron in your family that has difficulty wearing a scarf?  (Quite possibility, the same relative living on government assistance?)  We have a match.  Plus, the Necky is available in three colors: navy blue, charcoal gray, and designer leopard.  Please somebody tell me when designer leopard became a "color."



2 - The Chia Obama for the Dem in the family.  Let's be honest, everyone knows about this (but I loved it anyway) so I only have three words.  Yes, we can.

3 - The Bedazzler.  Timeless but now culturally relevant thanks to MTV's newest disaster of humanity, "Jersey Shore."  Consumer spending is down for Holiday 2009 and many of us do not have the time or resources to walk into an Ed Hardy store and drop 200 bucks on a blinged out hoodie.  (Or we don't want to because we're not an asshole.)  If your family member or friend's biggest wish this winter is to look like a total guido/guidette/jerkface then get creative and bedazzle a black button up or sports bra for them!  They will love you.  Then they will drink too much, vomit on themselves and attempt to fight someone on the sidewalk at 2:45 a.m.

"Easy, fun & fabulous!  Snap, push & pop!"

If you have a Macy's in close proximity please...

It is very rare that I use this blog as a call to action. That's really not the reason I write. Today is a little different. I am urging you, if you have a Macy's in close proximity, to visit sometime during the Christmas season. Remember writing letters to Santa as a young tot and addressing them to the North Pole? Go relive your past!

Today my roommate and I stopped by to send Santa mail (asking for a clear career path and a nice boy, respectively). This campaign, Believe, is inspired by little Virginia's now famous "Is there a Santa Claus?" letter. With each letter written and submitted in the bright red letter box, Macy's grants $1 in support of the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

The Make-A-Wish Foundation "grants the wishes of children with life-threatening medical conditions to enrich the human experience with hope, strength and joy." I began my relationship with M-A-W as an two semester intern in college and continue to support the Illinois chapter as a wish granter. I cannot describe, in words, how the wide smile of 4-year-old can brighten your life. This one little boy in particular will visit Walt Disney World in the summer of 2010, after completing treatment for leukemia. Every dollar truly makes a difference as wish costs typically fall in the $4,000-$5,000 range. Sixty percent of children visit Walt Disney World and many stay at Give Kids the World, some of the most magical places in the world (in my opinion). Others have big parties, receive room makeovers, or whatever a child can dream. One little boy asked for a basketball.

So I encourage you to make a difference, one letter a time.

"Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy."

What I'm Thankful For

Back to the grind!  I hate that term.  Only 3.2 weeks of work until Christmas break.

For realsies though, it's almost December and this morning I accepted the fact that a cold Chicago winter is inevitable.  As if there is any other kind.  In reflection of the holiday, here is a list of things I am thankful for in somewhat of an order.  Family first, then everything else!

• Being my Dad's sidekick when I am home.  Sporting events, Wal-Mart three times in one day, Cracker Barrel?  Works for me and padre.
• My brother and the next Peter Gammons, Ryan!  (Please see resemblance below.)  I imagine Ryan will age better than Peter but that's neither here nor there.  Catch his front page story, here SIU Daily Egyptian 

•  That after viewing the effects of my mom taking vitamins I decided they all negate each other and, in conclusion, cause unnecessary napping.
• Casey, the boyfriend.  I forgot him in the first publish of this post.  We spend a solid amount of our time making fun of strangers...and each other.  When he buys me flowers for the second time (ever) I might buy him a helicopter.
  
• Returning to Chicago after a long train ride and riding in the cab home.  Seeing the lights of the city and personally being part of the skyline is an outstanding experience.
• On the Chicago note, not being a Bears fan.  For real, they are awful.
• To piggyback off THAT, not being a Cubs fan.  Go Cardinals! Less than 100 days until pitchers and catchers report.  My winters are so lonely.
  

• Lady Gaga.  "If I'm a guy and I think Lady Gaga is incredibly talented, am I gay?" The answer is no.
• Kitten Mittens
• Glee and 30 Rock.  I, like, really enjoy those shows.
  
• Being incredibly better looking than the mutants that shop in Southern Illinois at 5 a.m. on Black Friday.  Straight from Dante's seventh ring of HELL, they resembled Sloth from the Goonies.  I will not stand in line with these freaks for a $79 Blu-Ray player.
  

The end.

Happy November 25th.

I'm writing this post for my own amusement, one of those things where I can look back later and think "what was I doing?" The truth is, I'm not doing much of anything. As a relatively new but necessary employee in my position (see: lacking worth) I am at work the day before Thanksgiving break starts. Ten percent of our work force is here, including the annoying girl in the cube next door. Her presence limits my ability to spin in circles in my desk chair. In an ideal world I would spin for minutes at a time, only competing with myself.

Instead I'm sitting [calmly] at my desk, responding to whatever e-mails I can and receiving endless amounts of "out of office" replies. All while listening to "Jai Ho" by the Pussycat Dolls.  Only an hour and 47 minutes until I bounce out of here.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Does your cat make TOO much NOI-se?!

Only a week until Thanksgiving. Naturally, that means the Christmas season started over two weeks ago. Next week I am going to my parents' for the turkey day holidays. My agenda generally consists of being a glutton and sitting on the couch all day abusing their DV-R. Twice a day I will likely walk my seven-year-old pup, Cher (we adopted her from a shelter and unfortunately her name stuck). Occasionally, I will shuffle off the couch solely to chase down Gary the cat. Gary, named after Spongebob's snail, is a glorious 14 pound snow shoe Siamese with a bit of an eating problem. Although he is my cat, he is proof that a guy should never buy a girl an animal unless he plans to raise the animal in question. For this reason he was adopted by Grandma. However, because he is my cat I have no problem chasing, squeezing and hugging him until he squeals for mercy.

I love my animals so much that I have already started their Christmas shopping. I will let you be the judge of how serious I am about these.

For Cher, the pup, I present you the dog snuggie. Snuggie, you've gone way too far. Particularly on the snuggie for dogs web site where you will notice the dogs are playing BACKGAMMON.


One of my favorite shows. Charlie presents kitten mittens!