Run, Theresa, Run

Consider this a follow up to this little diddy.

Weeks ago, I chose to do something previously unthinkable.  After consulting with friends, anxiously researching online, and talking myself in and out of it, I signed up for the Chicago Rock 'N' Roll Half Marathon.  13.1 miles of solid rock running.  I mean, how do you say no to a Bret Michaels concert at the end of a race?!  At this point, at my current pace and five weeks before the race, it will take me somewhere around two hours.

If you stole Doc's DeLorean, went back to 2008, and told my past self about this the response would be mixed.  First, surprise ("hm, that's impressive") then denial ("lies.  you don't run") then uncontrollable tears ("why is the economy so bad and why am I still waiting tables?").

Now, there is just excitement.  I'm currently on a four-day-a-week schedule. There is room for flexibility, with flip-flopping between Tuesday and Wednesdays or maybe a Friday long run depending on weekend plans. There's a difference between being strict and being insane.

You see, Rome wasn't built in a day.  I still do not call myself a "runner."  But those seemingly pompous jerks with their Nike run gear, zoned out with an iPod, sweaty and absolutely miserable?  This summer, that woman is me.

It happened last Saturday.  I woke up at eight a.m. to run seven miles in ninety degree heat.  Somewhere between mile five and mile "I'm going to fall over and die on this road" I become one of those people.  Instead of drinking beer last night, I chose water and woke up at 6:15 on a Friday to train.  Dedication or stupidity?  Both.  This isn't a lifestyle, but for now it feels pretty amazing. 

I never let go of that athlete stigma that was encrusted in my brain since childhood.  Dammit, I will keep going until I break down.

To conclude, I recommend these types of challenges to anyone.  Try to become one of those people and you may find something you love. Try Bikram yoga, sign up for your first 5K, buy a bike from Target.  Firsthand, these experiences will change your life for the better.  Number one rule, never forget to have fun on the way.

I will make updates along the way, some time after the 6 a.m. wake up call that announces it's time to put on some work out gear already laid out the night before.

G-Unit makes sauce of the Bad Apples. (Ya, I went there.)

Chapter three of my weekly softball e-mail.

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Hey guys!

Here's your recap e-mail.  Sorry it's late, I was "working" this morning.  Overrated.

Tuesday night was the "last hoorah" for the G-Unit's regular season and it did not disappoint.  Highlights include stellar defense, key hits, and the opportunity to use "dry hump" in context.  Overall, a success.

After Sam stripped down to boxers and changed into gym shorts in the middle of Grant Park (really, Sam?) G-Unit took the field to take on its office building rivals, Bad Apples.  Already bitter about losing a top shelf bottle of tequila, exiting captain Scott led the game off with a solo HR over the right field intern's head.  That shot set up momentum maintained throughout the night.  Claude's now trademarked "easy out Grand Slam" delivered the dagger G-Unit needed and lifted the crowd from their seats.  He followed it up with a strike out...nevermind.  Not important. 

G-Unit also delivered seven innings of fantastic defense.  One of the best moments came late in the game, with a textbook run down that was so perfect it would make your Little League coach cry tears of joy.  With a [probably illegal] pinch runner on third, the Bad Apples were looking to tighten our lead.  Making a heads up play at pitcher, Jason faked the throw to first and looked to silent Jeff to apply the tag.  Yenks got the runner in a pickle, tossed it to Colleen and, like an overly competitive game of monkey in the middle, threw it back to Jason who ended it all by making the tag.  For anyone who didn't follow that, Jason > Yenks > Colleen > Jason.  Out.  Also, a big hoorah to the G-Unit outfield that kept the ball in front and just overall kicked ass.  Especially the fitting last out of the last regular season game, a catch by coach.

Perhaps the most athletic moment of the night came when the team redneck, Jason, ran the approximate 1.1 miles (and 1.1 back) to the Old Navy on State St. to purchase a pair of shorts to replace his man-pris.  I need a running buddy, let me know if you're available.

In the end.
1.) We won
2.) There was Old Style in the dug out
3.) Nobody was hurt/killed in a unnecessary tackle at home plate
4.) Katie brought a male friend to hang out and then give her beer after the game!  Gentlemen, take careful notes of this behavior.
5.) While it wasn't Jock Jams (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P9HCPAEc48), our warm up music was Interpol opening for U2.  That's kind of cool too.

Next week is playoffs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7fjDS0jKiE&NR=1).  Traditionally it's not our greatest showing, so let's get ready to win next week too!

If you need some additional motivation, this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6wRkzCW5qI) does not disappoint.

Have a great rest of the day!
- Dot

Everything we do, we do it big. G-Unit Style.

The second edition of my weekly softball e-mail.

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Hey G-Unit,

Tuesday night's rematch against estrogen fueled  rival, Booty Pants, translated into another W for SMG-Unit.  With a motivating pep talk by returning fearless leader, Scott, and the encouraging screams of "LET'S DO THIS" from John, the G-Unit took the lead early and held on throughout the game.  After the dust cleared, we emerged the winners in a 9-4 victory.  Fortunately for everyone (except this beat writer's willingness to embarrass you publicly) the night went rather smoothly.  There was little confrontation, our umpire was sober and capable, and there weren't any controversial plays that led to us losing our shit on the field.  Props to the team for hitting a number of line drives, keeping up the stellar defense, and overall proper softball mechanics.  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkRVTBsl1zk)  Big things happen.

Big thanks to Alycia and Nikki, G-Unit's Tuesday night best-dressed cheerleaders, for keeping the beer cold and cheering us on to a win.  Also, for presenting the methodology behind "food naming" and "Biggie Smalls."  http://tomhaverfoods.com/

After the game, we headed to Bar Louie for celebratory $1 burger night (tots & fries are $3 extra - you've been warned).  The patio was going fantastic and the night air crisp until dark clouds began to roll across the skyline.  Proud and unafraid, G-Unit drank its draft specials and stared the storm in the eye (it was kind of like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_pN312Te98).  That lasted all of 10 minutes before we headed inside for shelter.  (It was exactly like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYg-LtUxhcE).

After Bar Louie we parted ways, but only after Stevewas groped and prodded by a 20-year-old wearing striped J. Crew shorts and boat shoes.  According some whacked out Trib survey based on creeptastic Craigslist Missed Connections, the Red Line is the most romantic of all train lines.  Steve proves it's true.  (http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2010-09-30/news/ct-talk-romantic-trains-1001-20100930_1_romantic-train-brown-and-purple-lines-cta-s-red)

Reminder, we have next week off for the All-Star game.  Everyone enjoy your July 4th weekend!

Keepin' it real with the whole sha-bang-a-Bang (one bang),
Dot

G-g-g-g-Unit Steamrolls to a Victory

I was recently promoted to the official beat writer for my company 16" softball team and I am sharing this e-mails.  Last names and companies have not been included to protect the innocent.

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Hey G-Unit,

Apparently it's bad protocol to lie to the Tribune (lame) so today you get a two-in-one package of last night's scouting report.  First, the original hoax e-mail created to piss off our fearless leader and second, how awesome we are.  Enjoy.

E-mail one, the hoax.

The night was cool and the mountains on the Coors Lights blue as G-Unit rolled into Grant Park to take on sister agency, Booty Pants.  After a slightly awkward delay, involving a lack of Booty Pants, the game got going albeit only after the umpire drank 1.5 boxes of Jewel brand Cabernet.

Filling in as interim coach, Sgt. John I, led the team to an initial destroying of its competition.  Our feet were swift, our bats were mighty...then it came crashing to a halt.

Jeff, always one to keep it humble on the field, began a controlled argument with the seemingly drunk umpire.  Words were exchanged and a slight physical altercation occurred.  Jeff will be back next week pending physical examination of said umpire.  The rest of the game unfolded in Bad News Bears fashion as the Unit fell 15-17 after a slight massacre in the fifth.  Fortunately, casualties were few.  Resident lefty, Collin, was seen mumbling "don't text us about the lineup when you're on vacation...bull shit" as he threw the blue binder to the ground in disgust.  First base(wo)man, Colleen "Swissbeatz" was personally offended by the lack of hustle, proclaiming it for all of Grant Park to hear.

The Unit then drowned their sorrows in some post-game drinks at Shenanigans, followed by some Jennifer Grey dirty dancing at the Hangge Uppe. 

Also, if anyone has seen Gerard please let us and/or his family know.  He was last seen at Big Shitty at 3:17 a.m.
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E-mail two, the fun ruining real one.

SMG-Unit showed what they were made of Tuesday night in Grant Park.  In reference to above, there was a delay and the umpire was probably intoxicated.

After some shaky innings, the G-Unit prepared to kick ass and take names in the 6th inning by bringing the game within one.  In the 7th, the levy broke and the Unit took back what was rightfully theirs.  Starting with Jason's momentum changing, close single at the top of the inning things could only go up from there.  The Unit went on to smack the ball around the field for awhile, get aggressive on the bases, and trigger a gratifying Spark defensive meltdown.  Seven runs later, the dust cleared and G-Unit was victorious in a 14-8 W.

Proud interim coach, John I, was in tears after the game and wiping his eyes behind his bifocals.  It's possible that it was joy or that he was still embarrassed about his early wipe out in center field.  Because we "will never speak about this again" (his words) we may never know.

Highlights of the night were plentiful including Jon's excellent back up in right field (we're contesting that call), Turtle's triumphant return to the mount and mid-inning grass relaxation, and the multiple base hits by the G-Unit ladies.  Even quiet Jeff lasted a full 7 innings without any major altercations.  I guess having a girlfriend does calm you down. - http://www.cosmopolitan.com/quizzes-games/online-quiz/cosmo_quiz_are_you_ready_to_settle_down

Enjoying the victory, the team turned to one of the favorite parts of the night...killing the case of beer.  Claude and Sam competed in a photo finish shot gun competition.  Replay video is still pending but a repeat in Starbar will be held later this afternoon.  Lotus invites to go out shortly.

Finally, props to Nikki for fending off the umpire's advances at catcher.  He actually asked for your number after the game...I gave him Scott's.

Until next time G-Unit!  All we do is win!
Dot

House of Paign

I grew up a little over an hour from Champaign, Ill. home of the Big Ten's blue and orange clad Illini. At 24, and without living in the area for over six years, I consider myself a loose based fan but still hold an allegiance. And yes, I was outwardly pissed when Chief Illiniwek went away because some P.C. crackers said he was offensive. (I also realize how non-P.C. and offensive this last statement is. I do what I want!)

So last night I was pretty disappointed when my ranked team lost to Indiana's current lovable losers, the Hoosiers. This disappointment turned to disgust when I learned IU rushed the court. What? Really? Stop, just stop. However, as much as I aspire to express my hatred for this I will let ESPN's Rick Reilly do it for me. I have mixed feelings about Mr. Reilly, as I used to read him him every other week thanks to my accidental S.I. subscription, but believe he sold out at ESPN. Either way, let's do this Rick!

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This has got to stop. Therefore, here are the Ironclad and Unbreakable Rushing-the-Court Rules. From now on, you can NOT rush the court if …

• You’ve won an NCAA title in the past 20 years.
• You’ve been in the Final Four in the past five years.
• The team you just beat is not in the top three.
• Or is ranked within 15 rungs of you. (Somebody do the math for Wake.)
• Or is really a football school. This includes Florida, Texas and Ohio State. Get over it.
• You’ve beaten this same team in the past five years.
• You won the stupid game by more than 10 points. There is no such thing as a PRTC (Premeditated Rush The Court.)
• You’re a university and you just beat a college.
• Coach K comes to your coach’s clinic.
• You have a dead-mortal-lock lottery pick on your team.
• Your team has appeared in a recent “One Shining Moment.”

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Also, the article does take note about an Illini falter. "You [Illini] RTC'd when you beat No. 5 Michigan State this year. Even Illinois legend Dee Brown was cringing. He tweeted: "No no no no! … We are Illinois! Winning should be normal."

Let me have no fun while I sit in the seat and judge you.  Because oh, I will.

Way Out Where the Dandelions Grow

Opening day is tomorrow, 80% chance of rain pending. It's time to grab my Dr. Dot Richardson bat out of the closet and oil my glove. Ten glorious weeks of company softball on team SMG-Unit starts soon, the first organized team I've been on in four years! Last week we had practice and I have to believe there are few things more exciting in Chicago than playing catch underneath of the city's skyline. I missed a catch due to sun shining off a skyscraper. Glorious!

Summer ball was an essential part of my upbringing. From Ryan's t-ball to my five hour All-Star game when I was 11 to having my life threatened by drunk parents as a 15-year-old umpire. A first team all-conference plaque with Theresa "T-Dawg" is lovingly packed in a box full of high school memories.

Granted, this season will be more about leisurely playing with a 16" colossal softball (Chicago's thing, apparently) and the bars we are destined to frequent post-game.

Wherever I am and no matter my age, I have always loved playing this game. The video below is from 1990. I remember the commercial from childhood and everything about the song reminds me of growing up playing the sport. A game tying foul ball hit to you or two strikes with a runner in scoring position...and the relentless butterflies in your stomach. Then, all of a sudden, you pull through for the team! What is more fun for a child than being the hero?

When I was about nine I had a strong arm but lacked coordination to take on the infield. So I played right field where it's important to know, you gotta know how to...just watch the video.

Cheers to summer and all the past, present and future memories we make on the field.

One $hining Moment

Senses stir up memories.  I remember the taste of grandma's mac & cheese and the touch of the smooth brick in my grade school hallway.  Parents fill photo albums with baby pictures and have VHS tapes of our first family vacations so we can relive the sense of sight. 

The most influential sense may be hearing, for better or worse.  A baby's cry, a wedded couple's first dance, that Vitamin C "Graduation" song that just won't go away.  A couple weeks ago my brother departed for college spring break in Panama City Beach, following in his sister's stumbly footsteps.  I can't help but think of the memories and smile, particularly when they're defined by my generation's greatest hit songs such as Fergie's "Glamorous" and Unk's "Walk it Out."  Key word: hit.

According to him, if he learned anything it's that he hates Kesha but only slightly more than that "Shots, Shots, Shots" song.  Sorry, Ke$ha.  But I'm not There$@ so forget that skank.  I refuse to give anyone that provided us with the lyrics, "kick 'em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger" any sort of respect.

MICK JAGGER?!  Are you SERIOUS?!

Sadly enough, it's these otherwise forgettable songs that define some of our great life moments.  Think of the song you laugh at with your friends when she threw herself at some random guy at the bar; then the Rascal Flatts song she wouldn't stop crying to when they broke up months later.  Why have a romantic song when you can rock out to Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer" at a karaoke bar on vacation?  I remember sorority girls defining their life with Madonna's "Like a Prayer" at college parties.  "Oh my gawd, it's like our SONG!"  Ladies, it's everyone's song but to each their own.  I prefer to define my college experience with defined fist pumps and "Don't Stop Believin'."  Just a city booooooooy!

The NCAA gets it on the money "One Shining Moment" during March Madness.  (Although, with respect to Ms. Hudson, I want Luther Vandross back.)  Last night's Northern Iowa win over Kansas (Go Missouri Valley conference!) was one of those moments you belt out, "YOU KNEW YOU WERE ALLIIIIIIVE!"



The most magical part of it all is that the first time you hear a song you don't know it will become a memory, it just takes place.

Pla¢e?

No Feminazi Ramblings for Moi!

To be frank, I rarely ever write about sexism. It's not that I don't care, I just don't care to write about it. I'm a grand believer that if something is written it should be written well, and my neo-feminism just isn't feverish enough to print.

So today I found this article this article and thought, "wow, I couldn't have said it better myself."

The internet is exploding today with stories about "Lindsey's Vonn's controversial SI cover." Oh, no! So sexist! So objectifying! So the way you tuck into position going down a mountain at 60 mph. Is the position flattering? Nah. Is the picture cheesy? Totally. Sexual? Give me a break.

As the opinion piece states

The headline reads "America's best woman skier ever", for Jean-Claude's sake! Why can't she be both the best skier in the world and really, really attractive too? Tom Brady's a great athlete and a handsome dude and I don't hear people whine when he's shirtless in GQ.

So brace yourself for another of my "because I work in print advertising moments." Yes, Sports Illustrated rarely has female athletes on the cover. Sorry ladies, but your sports just aren't that popular with the mainstream. Second, SI knows its audience is mostly men. Manly sports men. That's why the swimsuit issue sells every year except those women are in barely there bikinis. In that case, the sex is selling on purpose. Honestly, I didn't see the controversy in this cover until I read the articles. Sports Illustrated is, in my opinion, the superior of all sports magazines. It combines real news with human interest pieces and, unlike ESPN, doesn't toot its own horn at every possible moment. SI works its craft and works it well.

If you want to be dirty minded, fine. The rest of us normal people will take the picture for what it's worth, a beautiful female athlete practicing the sport she has worked for her entire career.

Ode to the NBA Season Kick Off!

NBA season starts today with Cavaliers vs. Celtics. Nevermind that I haven't been a huge NBA fan since the '91 to '98 Bulls dynasty (despite MJ's stupid I-want-to-try-baseball! move). In celebration I give you one of my favorite youtube videos with the line, "Our economy's based on Lebron James!"