Things White Theresa Likes

Unfortunately for us all, Phil Punswhatthehellshisname (real name: Punxsutawney) the groundhog saw his shadow yesterday, signifying six more weeks of grueling winter. I was talking to a friend about it yesterday and made the observation that Groundhog Day is something "white people like."

To clarify, this theory was first brought to my attention by the discovery of stuffwhitepeoplelike.com.  It is decidely created around the middle class, happy-go-lucky Caucasian.  Hilarious and fulfilling, the page makes you [assuming you, reader, are white for simplification] think things like, "you're right, I do love wearing my North Face jacket while shopping at Whole Foods!"  If you, reader, are not white than please read and gain material to make fun of your stereotypical white friend.  I encourage it.  Still can't decide if this site spits truth?  Check out the full list of stuff and you'll figure it out.

As a white person of 24 nearly years, it is fair for me to make assumptions about my cracker brethren as well.  I live on the Near North side of Chicago surrounded by the masses.  The area is full of 20-somethings who occupy sports bars on weekends to cheer on their Big 10 Alma Mater in Division I athletics.  Later, they discover new cultures by eating at that ethnic restaurant "like totally recommended to me by a co-worker who loooooves Ethiopian food!  Or maybe it's Indian?"  Still others wear skinny jeans, bitch about conformist music invading Lolla, and bike to Wicker Park to check out a new hookah bar.

Truth be told, I don't find myself in any cookie cutter stereotype.  Oh sure, I'm a Midwest girl who loves burger specials and light beer (especially during baseball!) but I'm also passionate about finally filling my passport or buying a new pencil skirt to up my professional edge.

On second thought, I just confirmed a few things about me.  I happen to love the Onion (#109), my grey New Balance kicks (#96) and living by the water (#51).

I need a new defense.

This is me being culturally relevant.

I love when I feel no pressure to write about issues in a timely manner.  Everyone and everything else does it for me.  I am not a journalist in this blog and am, by no means, following the inverted pyramid.

I also don't choose to write about my life, it's not that exciting.  If I actually like you then you will know if something earth shattering happens but I feel no need to write it here.  Instead I offer my opinions, my qualms and some sarcasm.  I don't write to talk a lot of facts and don't read blogs that do.  Let's be honest, most of that information on "informational" personal blogs already came from a credible source that broke the news way early.  Credible sources like CNN, ESPN or Perez Hilton.

So today I read a great article on gawker.com, American Idol: June 2002 - May 2010.  No surprise that Simon Cowell would one day leave American Idol to take on greener pastures and karaoke contests.  I only heard about Britain's "X Factor" through the amazing Onion's AV Club article Internet 1, Simon Cowell 0.  Basically, a social media campaign in support of Rage Against the Machine's "Killing in the Name Of" spanked some whiny cover on Miley's "The Climb" as Britain's #1 single during the week of Christmas 2009.  With his tail between his legs, Simon lost.  Baby Jesus had something to do with this, no doubt.

So now Simon is leaving soon, Paula's coked out little body has already left the chair and lovable Ellen Degeneres is making her debut. AI is changing; my life will hardly be changed by this.  Seeing David Cook perform before the 2009 All Star game actually solidified the fact, for me, that the show is little more than a karaoke contest best used for large sponsorship deals. However, it's pop culture and it's relevant so here we are.

So read the Gawker article please, the picture at the bottom is most definitely worth it.

Best Onion Article (Ever).

I would like to thank Mr. Lynn, my high school English teacher, for supporting my love of satirical writing. When done correctly, it's terrific and (for me at least) is my favorite form of creativity. On the flip side, poorly executed satire is about as much fun as crossing Michigan Ave. In front of a speeding cab.

I am a huge fan of the Onion. Although I consider myself a nice person I do enjoy making fun of ignorance, current events and the general population on a daily basis. So the article Nation's Morons March on Washington State definitely made my day.

The fact there is someone that probably can't locate D.C. on a map saddens me. You know those people. They are the same ones that call the Spanish language "Mexican" and can't tell you why a Muslim is different than a Saudi Arabian. They wear fanny packs and high socks and go to Six Flags on vacation. Sometimes they even go on anniversary dates and propose in chain restaurants, like Chili's. If they feel particularly worldly then they visit Olive Garden for Italy's finest cuisine. (For anyone that hasn't been to Italy, Olive Garden sucks.)

These people are represented by Miss F-ing Teen USA from South Carolina. God bless the "U.S. Americans."

It's not that all of these people are completely stupid, even Jerry Falwell started a university and that guy is a nutter. One of my facebook friends, since deleted from my mini feed, posted a largely political post that ended with "I would like to buy an island and start our country over again. Who's with me??!?" All I could do was sigh.

I hope he marches to Washington state soon.