Best Onion Article (Ever).

I would like to thank Mr. Lynn, my high school English teacher, for supporting my love of satirical writing. When done correctly, it's terrific and (for me at least) is my favorite form of creativity. On the flip side, poorly executed satire is about as much fun as crossing Michigan Ave. In front of a speeding cab.

I am a huge fan of the Onion. Although I consider myself a nice person I do enjoy making fun of ignorance, current events and the general population on a daily basis. So the article Nation's Morons March on Washington State definitely made my day.

The fact there is someone that probably can't locate D.C. on a map saddens me. You know those people. They are the same ones that call the Spanish language "Mexican" and can't tell you why a Muslim is different than a Saudi Arabian. They wear fanny packs and high socks and go to Six Flags on vacation. Sometimes they even go on anniversary dates and propose in chain restaurants, like Chili's. If they feel particularly worldly then they visit Olive Garden for Italy's finest cuisine. (For anyone that hasn't been to Italy, Olive Garden sucks.)

These people are represented by Miss F-ing Teen USA from South Carolina. God bless the "U.S. Americans."

It's not that all of these people are completely stupid, even Jerry Falwell started a university and that guy is a nutter. One of my facebook friends, since deleted from my mini feed, posted a largely political post that ended with "I would like to buy an island and start our country over again. Who's with me??!?" All I could do was sigh.

I hope he marches to Washington state soon.