An Open Letter to Falcon Heene

Falcon Heene
The Box in the Attic
Colorado

Dearest Falcon,

It seemed only yesterday [it was] that I used my lunch break to run some errands. When I came back to my desk, hardly an hour later, I received frantic gchat messages. "DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BALLOON KID?!?!!? HE FLEW AWAY IN A BALLOON IN HIS PARENT'S YARD!!!" I was confused to why any family, besides one in the circus, would have a multi-colored balloon with a wicker basket in their front yard. Yes, this is what I envisioned.

I am so sorry Falcon. I mistook your family for some circus freaks when, in fact, they are extra terrestrial/science loving/Wife Swap freaks. I will never make that mistake again. If I was the child of your parents I would also run away and can only blame you for not running far enough. A box in the attic? What were you going to do when you were hungry? Did you at least bring some Crustable sandwiches? Stupid move, Falcon.

I did enjoy watching you throw up on the Today Show this morning. If you missed it, please relive it using this link. You're an Internet celebrity you know. Your brother looking grossed out is at 5:15. You tossing your cookies is about the six minute mark. BLEEECCCCCH!!!!!

You made my rainy October Thursday afternoon and Friday morning a little bitter brighter. I hope you accomplish great things in your life. Whether you build a super sonic jet for passenger use or develop a cure for a rare genetic disease just know that it doesn't matter. You are the balloon kid who never rode in a balloon. You hid in a box. We salute you.


Sincerely,
Theresa


Below is the best facebook status thread...ever. Balloon Boy Gets the Fresh Price Treatment, original link is here.