Just another D-Bag

My brother sent me the article this morning from the Fairfield University newspaper, He Said: The walk of shame by the now infamous Chris Surette. I am not endorsing that you actually read his work. I don't endorse anything with references to "raw dogging." If you're unaware of this term as well, look it up on urbandctionary.com. I will not elaborate. Chris' article (loosely used term, once again) is a "guy's guide" to the walk of shame.

One look at Mr. Surette and I find it impossible to believe that this is written from his own experiences. More than likely he listened to other taller, leaner and more attractive douche bags explain their conquests over Sunday morning cafeteria brunch. I can imagine Chris eavesdropping over a buttered short stack and crying into his orange juice over over how he can never be like "them." I mean, LOOK at that mug shot!

Oh Christopher, your [likely] obese ginger mother should be ashamed. She is, in fact, the only woman with whom you have ever had a close relationship. As well as female genitalia. (Ya, I said it.) We readers know you're full of shit when you reference "pounding." The only pounding you do concerns baking, fatty.

My favorite quote in the article is, "Now if you follow these tips, the next time you do work, you’ll have a tale to tell your buds for years." If in fact you have ever touched a girl during a consensual moment then you're really talking about if for YEARS? Please. Somebody isn't getting laid.

Chris, you are disgusting. So is your grammar. For example,

I would rather enjoy my college years drinking my face off and having to clean my own vomit, than cleaning the vomit of 16 month infant

Congratulations Chris on vomiting alone in your twin size bed. I would never want to clean up the vomit of a 16 month infant. I imagine it is similar to a 16-month-old infant but, because you fail at editing, you missed that too.

I am not here to whine about Chris' free speech and the pending harassment charges, leave that to others. I am simply here to bash Chris Surette, you worthless piece of life.

Thanks to deadspin.com for pointing out the fact that he is also a Red Sox fan.