Life Tilt.

My dear boyfriend recently received an e-mail that, after ten years of waiting, notified him that he was in a position to purchase season tickets for the underachieving Chicago Cubs organization.  I have consoled this individual multiple times in the last few years as Chi-town's lovable losers crushed his dreams.  His response back to the ticket office is below.  Please note that, typically, his grammar is awful and his misspellings are blatant and numerous.  Somehow through his fury he was able to conjure the letter below.

Enjoy.

Hello MELISSA,

WOW!  This may be the best day in my life...NOT.  I wipe my $^& with $4058.88 and I WILL NEVER EVER BUY A TICKET FROM THE CUBS EVER AGAIN.  They break my heart every year and run their team and organization like a pile of #&@*.  I wish I could cuss at you but I am a striving real estate mogul and that could hurt my rep.  Let Mr. Ricketts know I am coming after his greedy $*# and if we don’t win a world series under his ownership his #*$ is on the line.  Yeah its fun drinking with friends and heckling SORRYANOS sorry LAZY @#! out there but that has nothing to do with this.  The CUBS are the worst sports organization ever...if you do not agree please let me know when the last time they won the entire freckin thing and provide a valid argument.

I do however love the Cubs and will live and die with them my entire life because just like Herpes it comes back at least once a year and freckin stings you (I wouldn’t really know but I took health class) and you can’t get it out of your system no matter what.  This blows man.

In conclusion the CUBS can suck it if they think I am giving them money.  I will however most likely attend 20-30 games this year, pay $10 for a ticket off some homeless bum that lives at the FRECKIN FRIENDLY CONFINES (friendly for all other teams) and drinks lots of beer just so the Cubs can overpay for players who blow nut sack.  Please forward this to Mr. Ricketts as I am sure you will.  If he wants to have lunch I will buy him a $5 foot long on Addison have him call my assistant at 866-436-5713 (CALL NOW).  I charge $450 an hour for my time but I will give him a discount of 10% because I am a nice dude.  He would be lucky to do business with me.  If Mr. Rickets is interested in self storage facilities let me know cause I got a couple I could sell to him.  I heard he over pays for underperforming businesses and makes terrible investments.

For the record I am a die-hard Cubs fan and will love them forever.  Just wanted to pass along my deepest thoughts. 

P.S.  I am looking forward to hearing from Mr. Ricketts

The ticket office's simple response is below

 Dear Mr. Cavell,

I am sorry to hear that you are no longer interested in season tickets.  Per your request email, I will remove you from the waiting list.  Thank you for your time.

 Sincerely,

 Melissa Trinidad